


Just in case

by orphan_account



Category: Original Work
Genre: Depression, Dont think todays the day, I understand, Just calm down, Just calm down ok?, Just.... Read it before you decide, Please dont be too harsh, Seriously im ok for now., Suicide Notes, The name of this is really important, im so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-21
Updated: 2016-11-21
Packaged: 2018-09-01 05:42:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8610880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A letter just in case.Just in case it's all too much.Just in case they don't believe me.Just in case my lies are discovered.Just in case they want to know why....Just in case the day comes when I can't live anymore....Just in case I need you to be my witness.





	

_Dear society,_

_Dear family,_

_Dear friends,_

_Everyone who wants to listen,_

_I_ keep _thinking I'll know._

_I keep hoping you'll understand._

_But_   _I_   _don't._  

_And you won't._

_Please just hear me out._

_Don't send me away because_   _I finally_   _told the truth._

_Don't let your heart get in the way of your mind._

_Don't let me go._

_Don't lose hope._

_Don't forget that_   _I love you._

_Please_

_Please_

_Please_

 

 

> **_Be OK._ **
> 
> **_•°•°•°•_ **
> 
>  
> 
> I lied when I said I was fine. All those months ago when I went to therapy after cutting... I lied to the therapist. I lied to you. I lied to everyone. Because when they asked if I was feeling better... If I was happy... I said yes... When I should've said no. That was almost two years ago. 628 days ago. I've lost count of how many times I planned suicide since then. Not contemplated, but planned. And almost followed through. Every. Single. Time. The thoughts that always stop me, though... Wouldn't it be worse? Wouldn't my funeral be expensive to take care of? Wouldn't there be a mess to clean up? Wouldn't it be traumatising to find a teenage girl dead in a pool of her own blood on your front lawn? I'm not stupid, I know there would be people who'd grieve for one reason or another, but I also know how much easier life would be without me. One less mouth to feed. One less kid to teach. One less human taking up Earth's quickly dwindling resources. One less angsty Mormon girl struggling with depression.
> 
> And the funny thing is that I don't know if it's  _really_ depression, or if I'm just kinda sad. Chronic sadness for the win. Yay.
> 
> I probably am depressed, though, because how common is it for a kid to attempt suicide before their fourth birthday? I've been trying to die for over ten years, and I gotta admit that I really really suck at it.
> 
> __
> 
> I want you to look through my things. To go through my disaster of a room. To find every secret I've been hiding.
> 
> I want you to look at how little I've accomplished, and learn from my mistakes.
> 
> I want to hug you and hold you in my arms, and tell you that I love you. 
> 
> But I don't deserve your affection.
> 
> I don't deserve your friendship. Your encouragement. Your comments. Your kudos. Your smile on a bad day. Or on a good day.
> 
> I don't deserve you.
> 
> And yet..
> 
> And yet you're here.
> 
> You're reading this garbage for some reason, and you know.
> 
> Now you know.
> 
> ...
> 
> You don't know it all.
> 
> But you know so much.
> 
> •°•°•°•
> 
> If you made it this far,
> 
> If you suffered through,
> 
> Whether it be for me,
> 
> Or to satisfy your curiosity.
> 
> Thank you.
> 
> ×>•<×
> 
> I owe you my life.
> 
>                                                Sincerely,
> 
> Someone who needed to say  ** __** ** _something._**


End file.
